Typing a Blank

Adventures in writing after losing time and memories

The Blog

The Book

The Newsletter

the internet is really really great…(till it’s not)

Jun 11, 2024 | 0 comments

Sorry for those of you singing it in the same style as Avenue Q. If you haven’t encountered Avenue Q, it’s not safe for work, and till it’s not is a completely different word, and part of the overarching complex issue I’m having. So, first. HI. How are things? I hope everyone is well.  This post is really just a general catchup, and so I can link to places when I share book news (so there’s some of that too).

Time off, self care, Whatever you call it, I call it #Kaiatus

I went out at the start of May this year, and I’ve extended it indefinitely. I’m not sure what it says about the people around me at this present time, but it’s been a lot easier to sort of work this year. I say sort of because I’ve been very lax with deadlines and like lacing up a corset, I need to make things a bit tighter so all the lines are sleek and attractive. For me at least. I guess it really says a lot about how hard I’ve found it that one of the major first projects I had on my list – set up my weekly batch scaffold – only actually managed to be completed this week.  It was a larger job than I’d accounted for, and eventually took a new desk, a huge amount of post it notes and a couple of cycles of brain dumps before it even worked out the way I’d intended. My daily skeleton contains 4the words, and while right now I’m using that to write the blogs (which is technically doing two chores at once, I’m finding it easier to ease myself into writing daily this way, rather than getting frustrated that I’m not writing at all. And I have two new non-fiction and two new fiction story ideas to start playing with too, so the reluctance is really just… not willpower exactly, but spoons. Increments of energy that I can assign to what I want to do, instead of sitting and doing nothing or reading (which is ok), or gaming (not as ok, but I need downtime, so….). It’s a lot like I tried to explain to a friend recently, in relation to invisible illness. There was an accidental incident last week, when the lights were turned back on and I wasn’t ready for it, and because I’m still photosensitive, I ended up needing to shield my eyes, take a pile of meds, and eventually, remove myself to adjust.  I hadn’t been in a position to discover where the boundaries of being photosensitive were, but I knew they were there.  That though, was a very unpleasant reminder that nothing I do is untouched by all of this. And we were talking about that, and my friend asked how much of my energy was going to presenting a normal front. “What do you mean?” I typed back. She responded, “Kai, you’re adapting by ignoring pain. Which you have to do if there’s no recovery in sight.  I can’t imagine living on the edge of a migraine constantly, and I’m sure others would struggle too.  How much energy are you using to do that?” I stopped what I was doing and said “Let me think about it.” I didn’t actually get back to her until the next day. And I agreed, actually, I spend a lot of my ‘spoons’, my units of energy, on just being normal.  On keeping going until I can’t any more.  Which has gotten me back to LudoSport, but which worries me at the same time.  It’s not exactly going to be funny if I faint dead away at an event, so I’ve started stopping before I’m at my last ‘unit’ if I can. That said, as ever, LudoSport, and spending time with my beloved, and all of the stuff surrounding the last few weeks (two extra Academy visits, one overnight, three days at the UK Games Expo and regular training on Tuesday and Wednesday, plus socialising after) and I’ve had a marked uptick in my mental health and how I feel. It’s just dealing with the bone weariness that’s getting a bit hard, knowing when to stop.  And knowing if it’ll hurt. The last one mostly not being an ‘if’, if I’m being honest. So, there’s been a lot of grand plans, scaled back to mini sandcastles, which is ok.

Book news – there is some 🙂

While I’ve been off, I’ve been drafting a lot of the stuff that I want in here, in MTGBIS and in some new non-fiction books I’ve been planning on writing. And I’ve been really excited that part of my time off took me to a brand new story….then another one. And a goal for the next year in the end, which is an absolutely ridiculous one but I’m going to give it a try.  I need to rebuilding my book and blogs website so that I’m in the same place doing a lot of the work, I guess.  I’ll be entirely honest though, I’ve spent the last couple  of months gazing at my books and going ‘I don’t recognise these’. I proved I could write volume during the AtoZ, but…it wasn’t easy. The new stories though are really  tempting me, as are some of the things I’ve started learning about how to manage myself better.  Which is all positive and brilliant….and entirely invisible. But, I guess the important bit is that it *is*. My family support me, I get to write as much as I can, and I’ve even got it in my daily  scaffolding five days a week.  It’s not snatched, on my phone, at night, when David is asleep.  It’s during the day, when I’m more productive. and in the bath, because for the last six years, I write notes while sitting in the bath, and that’s ok. I’d say I’m about halfway through the first draft of Typing a Blank.  I’ve done a lot of the before, and some of the during, and I’m writing the significant bits of my ‘after’ and the after I’ve found out from others. Which is positive.  I’ll be releasing stuff as I can in the next couple of weeks, to a mailing list I’ll announce in a bit. So. That’s where I am. How about you?

In submitting your post, you agree not to use a VPN (or will contact me if you need whitelisted), otherwise, your comment may automatically be refused.

Comments, even those not published, can be shared with others, especially if they are problematic.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *